“We are actually handling this way better than I thought,” I whispered to David after walking out of the appliance store showroom. 

When we signed a contract to build a house, I had visions of major conflict hitting our marriage. We clearly felt God leading us to walk down this path; still, I’ve heard enough horror stories to make me nervous. Nothing tests a marriage quite like construction timelines, endless decisions, and large sums of money leaving your bank account.

But by God’s grace, here we are, eight months in, and we haven’t had a single fight about it.

Let me tell you… Our newlywed selves would be shocked!

Early in our marriage, money was a consistent source of tension.

We’d sit down to review the credit card statement (usually at David’s request), and before long, we were keeping score like ESPN commentators:
“Wait… how much was that round of golf?”
“You spent what on a haircut??”

We had a scarcity mindset—not just with money, but with grace. We made side comments. Held quiet frustrations. Assumed the worst.

And while we were disciplined in giving and saving, if we’re honest, it often felt more like performance than joy. Two firstborn rule-followers trying to “get it right.”

Over time, we knew something needed to shift.

The Perspective That Changed Everything

One of the most important changes we made was learning to see our finances more objectively—and more theologically.

Through wise friends and a lot of conversation, we began to understand: Our money isn’t really ours.

As Psalm 50:10 reminds us, God owns “the cattle on a thousand hills.” Not just 10% of our income. But, everything. What we have is a gift, entrusted to us for a season. 

That perspective is both humbling and freeing. And it led us to a simple, practical phrase that has become a bit of a mantra in our marriage:

“The budget is the bad guy.” 

Let me explain.

​​The Budget Is the Bad Guy (Not Each Other)

Let me be clear—we love a budget. Budgets are biblical (check out Luke 14:18).

In fact, we’ve found that lack of a budget creates far more conflict than having one. Boundaries bring clarity, and clarity brings peace. 

What we mean when we remind each other “the budget is the bad guy,” is this: We’re on the same team. We’re aligned around the same plan.

So here’s how the principle works:

1. Agree on a budget. 

Before the month starts—or before a major purchase—we sit down and agree on the plan. How much we’ll spend. What we’re saving. What we’re giving.

If it’s a big purchase (like appliances for a house), we prayerfully decide ahead of time what the spending range should be. Then, once we agree, we lock arms toward that goal. The budget becomes the plan we’re protecting together.

Honestly, that conversation isn’t always easy—or fun. It takes real intentionality to prioritize, and if I’m honest, there have been plenty of seasons where we didn’t make time for it and felt the consequences.

But we’ve learned from experience that coming to the table together to create a clear plan is always worth it. And approaching that conversation prayerfully is essential. Money conversations have a special way of exposing our insecurity and idols.

(I’ll share a guided prayer at the end of this post that you can read together before your next budget talk to foster unity and humility as you seek wisdom from a generous God.)

2. Let the budget be the boss. 

Most months, that looks like this: Let’s say the perfect Anthropologie dress goes on sale. (Hypothetically speaking.) But, I’ve already spent my “fun money” for the month.

That’s not David being the killjoy. That’s the budget saying, “Not this month.”

It’s not husband versus wife. It’s simply both of us protecting something bigger: our shared priorities, savings goals, and generosity.

A quick note on “fun money”: One of the most helpful things we ever implemented was a “fun money” category for each of us in our budget. It’s a set amount we are allowed to use (or save up) for our hobbies or wishlist items. No questions asked. For me, it usually goes to nail appointments, a new book, or a cute new outfit. For David, it’s a round of golf or workout gear. 

The magic of it is that it eliminates scorekeeping. No side comments. No sneaking shopping bags into the house. Just freedom within agreed-upon boundaries—and trust that the other person will honor them.

3. When the answer is “no,” blame the budget.

The budget is the bad guy, not your spouse. 

Instead of thinking, “David won’t let me buy it.” It becomes: “That just doesn’t fit in our budget.”

No need for resentment or scorekeeping. This mindset keeps us on the same team and points us toward the shared decisions we already made together.

That one shift had removed so much unnecessary tension in our marriage. The budget holds the boundary, so we don’t have to police one another.

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I’m uncomfortably aware that this blog may sound very privileged. Not everyone has room for “fun money” in the budget or the opportunity to build a home. While I can only speak authentically from my own experience, I don’t want to be insensitive to someone reading this in a season where even the “fun money” line items have been cut.

Maybe your struggle isn’t petty scorekeeping (like ours), but survival. What I do know is this: as married people, when it comes to stewarding the resources God has given us—however much—we are meant to do it together. As a team. And when resources are scarce, it becomes even more important to lock arms. To sit on the same side of the table, looking at your finances with clear, objective eyes. To approach the throne of God together, seeking wisdom or provision. His means of providing may look different from what you hoped, but He is not absent or aloof to what you are walking through.

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Counting the Cost (Luke 14:28)

I mentioned earlier that budgeting is biblical, and while that’s true, I want to be careful not to oversimplify.

In Luke 14:28, Jesus says: “For which of you, desiring to build a tower, does not first sit down and count the cost, whether he has enough to complete it?”

Jesus isn’t primarily talking about money management in this passage. He is talking about discipleship. What it means to follow Him with your whole life.

Before you do something meaningful, it’s wise to stop and count the cost. To make a plan and decide what matters, and what you are willing to sacrifice. Because nothing is more discouraging than starting something important and realizing halfway through that you didn’t prepare for the cost.

Jesus never sugarcoated it. Following Him comes with a cost. A life marked by generosity, sacrifice, and surrender will look different from the world around us. And that includes how we handle money.

Final Thoughts

David and I are far from perfect at this. But over the years, this simple mindset—“the budget is the bad guy”—has taken so much pressure out of our marriage.

Even in a season like building a home (which could easily feel like a pressure cooker), it’s actually been fun.

I may not get the French cooking range I dreamed about, but I’m also not frustrated with David.

I’m grateful. 

Grateful for clarity. Grateful for shared priorities.
Grateful that we get to steward what God has given us—together.

Because in the end, it’s all His anyway.

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This prayer is an experpt from the DIY Marriage Retreat, set to be published in Fall 2026. There is an entire section of guided prayers and we can’t wait to share them all with you soon!

“Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.” Matthew 6:31–33 ESV

Provider God,

Thank You for the many ways You’ve cared for us—
for daily bread, steady work, surprise provisions, and unseen grace.
We pause now to remember and name Your faithfulness…
(take a moment to reflect or name specific ways God has provided)

We are grateful.

And yet, Lord, we confess—finances can so easily divide us.
Money has a way of stirring up tension,
Pulling us into fear, or pushing us into frustration.
But we don’t want to live that way.

Make us wise stewards, Lord.
Guard our hearts from materialism and comparison.
Teach us not to measure our lives against someone else’s,
But to look only to You, our Provider, our Sustainer,
The One who knows our true needs and holds tomorrow in His hands.

You are generous, God.
So generous.
Teach us to reflect Your heart.
To give freely, joyfully, 

Not out of guilt or pressure,
but because it delights us to echo Your abundance.
Grow in us a spirit of generosity, 

And open our eyes to where we can give.

And in the places where we are lacking—
where the numbers don’t add up, or the fear creeps in—
we bring our needs to You.
Jehovah Jireh, our Provider,
meet us in this space of uncertainty with Your peace and provision.
(take a moment now to name your needs and worries before the Lord)

We know You are kind.
We know You are capable.
And we trust You.

Amen.