“Mom! Are you watching?”

Whether it’s a living room performance of Frozen or a backyard cartwheel (with questionable form), we’ve all heard those words on repeat. Our kids want our eyes on them. But here’s what I’ve been wondering lately: when they’re watching us, what are they learning?

If we want our kids to have great friends, we’ve got to show them how to be one.

I don’t know about you, but when I pray for my kids’ future, I ask God to surround them with godly, loyal, kind-hearted friends. Friends who will point them back to truth when they’re off-track. Friends who won’t hide when things get hard. Friends who make them better.

But I also know this kind of friendship doesn’t just fall out of the sky. It’s formed. And our kids are learning how to form it by watching the way we do friendship.

Here are a few ways we can model the kind of relationships we hope they’ll have:

1. Speak well of others—especially when they’re not around.

It’s tempting to vent or gossip under the guise of “just processing,” but our kids are picking up on that. Let’s teach them to protect their friends’ reputations by caring well for our own friends with our words. Say the good stuff out loud and be very careful about the rest. Proverbs 16:24 says, “Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.” Let’s raise sweet-souled kids.

2. Welcome the outsider.

You know that mom who hovers awkwardly at school pickup or the new neighbor you haven’t met yet? Invite her in. Let your kids see you go first. Friendships grow where hospitality lives. Not perfection—just presence and an open heart.

3. Be fully present.

Oof. Conviction alert. This is where I get it wrong often. But when we put our phones down, ask follow-up questions, and truly listen, we teach our kids that real friendship looks people in the eye. It hears and sees and responds. It doesn’t multitask love.

4. Show them how to navigate conflict with grace.

Friendships get messy. They just do. So let’s not hide our hard conversations—let’s model healthy ones. That means owning our mistakes, offering sincere apologies, and choosing forgiveness. Let your kids hear you say things like: “I was wrong. Will you forgive me?” and “She hurt my feelings, but I’m choosing to forgive her anyway.”

5. Model initiation and intention.

Be the one who texts first. Plan the get-together. Send the birthday card or the just-because bouquet. Your kids will learn that meaningful friendships don’t just happen—they’re cultivated. Yes, it takes effort. But the fruit is worth it.

Let’s Raise Friend-Makers, Not Just Friend-Finders

Here’s the truth: our kids may not remember every piece of advice we give, but they’ll absolutely remember how we lived. How we treated people. Whether we prioritized community. Whether our relationships were safe and grace-filled or shallow and self-serving.

Let’s not just pray for our kids to have great friends. Let’s show them what a great friend looks like.

We have the opportunity to raise the next generation of encouragers and includers. Peacemakers and forgivers. Initiators and truth-tellers.

Let’s raise the kind of kids who reflect Jesus in the way they love others.

And maybe—just maybe—it starts with us texting that friend we’ve been meaning to reach out to or practicing forgiveness.