A few weeks before Thanksgiving I got an email from my son’s preschool teacher. It was the typical overview of the upcoming week’s curriculum– handprint turkey crafts, books about pilgrims, and nature walks. So sweet! 🥰

But one line in her email got me thinking.

She said they planned to ask the kids what “they are grateful for/makes them happy.” 

First of all, my son is 18 months old. This is an entirely appropriate way to talk about gratitude with children who have less than 20 words in their vocabulary. (I’m throwing zero shade on the angel of a woman who teaches our mothers-day-out program.)

But it did get me thinking…

Is gratitude just about listing off things that “make us happy”? How should we be explaining gratitude to our kids?

I think Ann Voskamp is on to something when she says, “Joy is always a function of gratitude –and gratitude is always a function of perspective.” At its simplest form, gratitude is the act of saying, “thanks.” The Oxford Dictionary defines gratitude as “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” It’s acknowledging that something kind has been done for us that we did not earn. In Scripture, the concept of gratitude evolves. 

In the Old Testament, the word for “thanks” (tadah) is closely associated with the term “praise” (yadah). Leviticus shows us that the Israelites had instituted a thanksgiving offering and the Psalms are filled with individual and corporate expressions of thanks and praise to God for His provision, character, and blessing. But, in the New Testament gratitude (eucharistia) is more closely associated with the concept of grace (charis). The people of God offered thanksgiving in the form of worship, prayer, and at meals, often in response to the redemptive work of Jesus. 

So for the Christian, gratitude is more than listing the things that make us happy. True gratitude aligns our hearts with truth. It’s acknowledging that it’s all a gift and recognizing the goodness of God in every situation (Phil. 4:11-12).  

Here are a few takeaways I’ve had as I’ve been studying biblical gratitude recently:

Practicing gratitude should be less about counting blessings and more about attributing praise. 

Why? Because “counting blessings” can easily turn us to comparison. (Think of the Pharisee and the tax collector in Luke 18:9-14.) If gratitude is just a mechanism to make us feel better about how we stack up next to our neighbors, we are missing it. True gratitude is understanding that it’s all a gift.

Gratitude is not an emotion, but a behavior.

 The modern concept of “toxic gratitude” or “toxic positivity” implies that gratitude, if not genuinely “felt” can be harmful. But, Scripture never asks us to fake happiness, instead we are simply encouraged to “give thanks in all circumstances” (1 Thess. 5:18). “All we are called to do is confess the truth about out good God – even it we do so while crying,” says Alex Cramer in her article on the topic.

Gratitude is a practice that becomes easier over time. 

The purpose of gratitude journals or lists is to cultivate the practice of pausing, noticing, and acknowledging the blessings around us. And, typically there is a compounding effect. The more you practice looking for the goodness of God and His blessings in your life, the more of them you notice. What a cool gift it is to train our children to obeserve the goodness of God from an early age. And, what a sweet gift to see God’s goodness through their eyes!

Gratitude is more than good manners. 

Like most parents I say some version of the following phrase about 100x a week: “Did you say thank you?” “What do you say??” I can’t promise I’ll break that habit overnight, but I’m going to make a concerted effort to make saying thank you more than just “good manners” in our house, but a moment to acknowledge goodness. (“Wow, your coach had such fun games planned for practice today. I love how patient he is with your team. Let’s go tell him thank you together!” OR “Do you notice how hard our waitress is working in the busy restaurant? Let’s make sure we look her in the eyes and say thank you when she comes back with your food.”)

Ultimately, I think my son’s teacher is right, we should be grateful for the things that make us happy, but let’s also teach our kids to look for the goodness of God in all circumstances.

Let’s model how to be noticers of the gifts and provisions from the Lord, so we can more readily give him praise and encourage others along the way.

For more resources on sparking gratitude in little hearts, join the Family Values Series!