Our annual just-the-two-of-us marriage retreat is one of David and my favorite traditions. We jokingly refer to it as our “Eseke Fiscal Year Summit” (because we typically find time to get away in the summer instead of our anniversary at the begining of the year.)

While the location of our retreat has changed each year, some years we “retreated” on the couch after kids went to bed or used Marriott points for a hotel in town. Other years, we talked through questions while hiking in the mountains or sitting in lounge chairs on the beach.

The truth is the location or format matters far less than the spirit of intentionality.

The goal of a marriage retreat is to create space and time for purposeful conversation and to invest in your relationship. There are no rules, but here are a few things we’ve learned over the years:

1. Get away. 

In our experiece, 2-3 days is the minimum to disengage from everyday life to really focus and enjoy one another. (By all means, if you can go longer, go for it!) But, if a long weekend is too hard to swing, don’t be discouraged. In a pinch, you could even go through questions over a series of weekly at-home date nights. (In fact, one of our best years of discussion and connection was during the pandemic when couldn’t leave the house and did exactly that!) Remember, it’s the spirit and intention of connection that matters most.

The best part of planning your own marriage retreat is that you are not tied to a church or organization’s timeline or location. Just, go find a place where you and your spouse can have fun together and find some quite space to connect! If you can’t get out of town, consider taking a staycation at a local hotel, renting a VRBO, or borrowing a friend’s lake house. Get creative!

2. Create a rough schedule.

We’ve found that if we don’t intentionally schedule time to discuss specific topics, we’ll never actually get to them (especially the hard ones we probably need to talk about most!) We’ve also learned the hard way, that it’s not fun to cram all the serious stuff into one day. Don’t try to tackle all the hard stuff in one setting.

What brings you closer together as a couple? How do y’all like to have fun together? Make sure you schedule a lot of time for those things too! (Our DIY Marriage Retreat Guide includes a sample schedule to give you inspiration on how to space topics out over a weekend.)

3. Record your answers.

Recording your answers to questions will help you remember and follow through with your plans. We like to record our answers in the same journal, so we can look back on what we discussed in previous years. Let’s just say some of the goals we set in year one of marriage still make us giggle and entrys from other year’s make us tear up to think about how good God has been to us even in tough times.

The truth is there is no wrong was to plan a marriage retreat! If your ready to plan your own marraige get-away, download the guide here. We pray this practice is as much of a blessing to your relationship as it has been to ours!