What Anxiety & Depression Taught Me about Myself, The World, & God (Part 3 of 3)
Over the next few weeks, I’ll be sharing with you what I’ve learned through my recent battle with anxiety and depression. I share this story only because I want to encourage you. I share because, perhaps, one of you is sitting where I was 6 months ago. Maybe one of you needs to know someone else understands.
When I was a little girl my daddy and I were a part of a group at the YMCA called “Indian Princess.” Each little girl and her daddy got to pick Native American names for one another. I named my daddy Balding Eagle. And he named me Dancing Spirit because of my exuberance for life—the way I would make up silly dances around the house and play pretend with gusto and share whatever crazy idea I had at the moment. Because when I was little, I wasn’t embarrassed of myself or trying to control anything or fearful of what others thought. I was just me. My body and mind and spirit danced, carelessly, joyfully, unimpressively through life.
I haven’t danced like that much in the past 20 years. But I’ve decided I want to try again.
I want to be a brave truth teller. A dancer who trusts God to guide her—even if the dance looks silly or feels out of control. I know I will stumble. And I’m okay with that. Because over the past few months I’ve learned that when you loosen your grip on perfection, life is more exciting (and fun!), the lessons are deeper, and the joy is more genuine and lasting because it’s based on reality.
I know now that The Rules are a façade. True joy is based on The Truth of the faithful character of God and of who I am in relation to Him.
So, Who Am I?
I’m just a little girl with big ideas. A girl who has a hard time sitting still because her desire to help and create and teach others what she’s learned is just too much to handle. An imperfect girl with adult acne, big feelings, and a fear of the unknown.
But I’m also a woman with a fiery desire to leave the World better than she found it.
I know the first step to changing the World is to show up, as my true self—flawed and weirdly creative with my very own opinions but NOT apologetic. Never apologetic about what I know about God or who He created me to be. Even if it means failing or loosing favor with people I so desperately want to impress.
I’m just a girl who is broken and needy, who met a God who has forgiven her—a God who adores her despite it all.
Oh, dear friend, whatever battle you are fighting, I hope you know you are adored too—just as you are.
Who Are You?
Dear sister, I pray you would be willing to do the hard work alongside the Holy Spirit to find her. I pray you would be brave enough to untangle the mess of Rules and lies and stories you’ve made up about yourself to see the woman you were created to be.
Then, I pray you would invite her to dance.
If you don’t know the One you are loved infinitely by, would you let me tell you about Him sometime? If we don’t fully understand who He is, we’ll never truly understand who we were created to be. Let’s get to know Him better together.